Why dreams die?

9 Responses to “Why dreams die?”

1. Jon
   June 16th, 2008 at 12:55 pm

   

   I actually lost my enjoyment of playing while AT university! I started playing when I was 12, studied music at school, college and then Uni, but my classic guitar studies sapped all of the enjoyment out of playing to the point of me quitting for 7 years! Now I am so angry with myself for letting it happen but my musical tastes began to change and D&B, hip hop and Techno became far more important, rock wasn’t exactly popular in the mid 90’s in the UK.

   My focus on Guitar Noize has ignited the passion back inside me, even though I’ve started playing again 3 or 4 years ago there’s nothing like staring at beautiful guitars all day to get you in the mood to play!

2. Ovidiu
   June 16th, 2008 at 1:11 pm

   

   I am angry at me too for not keeping the same level of contact with my guitar for a few years, because I still played at home, but it is not the same, no matter how much someone would try to say it is. But I try to look at it naturally, it was the path of my life, now I am back on it

   I guess the balance in your life is far more important than a single thing, no matter what that thing is. Once that you find that balance, things get back on track, I guess.

   I think this is the reason for most of us to come back to playing the guitar: we found a balance in our lives and when that happened, guitar playing started to be important again.

3. Musicgoat
   June 16th, 2008 at 3:08 pm

   

   Life gets in the way sometimes and passions ebb and flow like anything else. BUT i can tell you that one of the reasons I stopped pursuing - at one point - was I just didn’t think I was good enough and was told that a career in such a field was too much of long shot.

   After starting my music site I have watched many artists, in many different genres and with many different talent levels make a living doing music in way or another. That in combination with some some great books has put my thinking back on track.

   In fact, I played an open mic - at a popular venue - last Friday and was offered the chance to do my own “paid” two and a half hour show. It was completely unexpected but obviously encouraging. I have never done an hour much less a two and a half hour but I took the offer anyway. I’ll find a way (and some more songs).

   One thing I have done over the last few years to keep playing is to always have my guitar in view - somewhere you will see it often. Somewhere where you can pick it up at any time. I noticed that when it is put away I don’t think about it as much. But when I have it out, it almost calls to me when I see it.

   Bottom line, I believe it is all in your head. If you believe and stick with it you will find a way. One of my favorite quotes comes from Henry Ford “Whether you think you can, or thinking you can’t, you are probably right.” Why not think you can and keep learning, something will turn up.

   Corey

4. IG
   June 16th, 2008 at 5:17 pm

   

   Thanks for keeping this conversation alive Ovidiu and linking to my post. Your question is really insightful and it’s such an important one for anyone to really think about and use it as a way to keep their motivation going.

   I don’t think there is one single correct answer, since dreams mean different things to different people, and we all have different lives and different challenges and perspectives.

   But I do think that one constant issue is that we make our dreams independent of what we think “real” life is about. So, we do real good at managing our dreams out of our lives when “real” life demands our attention. And this is where I think that perspectives need to change. I think people should see dreams as journeys that are worth undertaking and that are as essential to life as other things. And people should have the skills to manage dreams and learn how to balance their lives so that their dreams can exist and become part of their lives.

   So, in the case of playing guitar I think many of us create unrealistic expecations of our dream to play guitar, so that when “real” life comes at us (jobs, responsibilities, etc), we are not able to match our dream with “reality.” But, when you begin to see guitar playing as an essential part of your overall life and a journey, and not a one-shot to fame kinda of thing, you start to learn how to grow with it and approach it as your life changes.

   This is such a huge topic, I could go on and on. But, I’d love to see what other comments have to say.

   Thanks!

   IG

5. John
   June 16th, 2008 at 5:49 pm

   

   Hi again! First, I think that “die” is a little harsh…my guess is that most of the readers here, if not pro or semi-pro, still have an interest in the instrument, so the dream hasn’t died, but has been deprecated in priority due to other life concerns.

   For me, there were a number of life issues that caused the dream to languish…the first being career change that took me halfway around the world, and separated me from my band mates at the time. The plan was to make a little money, and travel back to be with the band…but it took a while, and the bass player had to travel, the drummer had to travel, and before we knew it, the band was scattered across the globe.

   Meanwhile, a wife and child enter the picture, and it’s not so easy to just quit work and travel, time for rehearsal is traded for school concerts and soccer games, and before I knew it, it had been 12 years since I hit a stage.

   Then, how do you find musicians after being away from the scene for so long? I ended up playing acoustic guitar in my living room while watching TV. But, my child is pretty much on her own now, the wife is an ex-wife now, and my time has become my own again.

   I actually started taking guitar lessons to help rekindle the dream, which helped me meet local musicians, and reconnect with the music and instrument.

   I was fortunate to recently find some talented musicians with similar interests, and have been playing local venues again.

   So, the dream didn’t die, but it was on life support for a long time…

   Anyway…that was a really really really long way of agreeing with you, finding balance in life is the key.

   But for those of us that love the instrument and music in general, the dream never really dies, it merely hibernates until we’re ready to pursue it again.

   btw, thanks for letting me use your blog as a bit of a sounding board…it’s cathartic!

6. Ovidiu
   June 16th, 2008 at 8:51 pm

   

   @IG: You may be right, I think all of us wanted to become great rock stars, and if this didn’t become true in a few years, we refocused.

   And again you are right when you say that one of the most important things is to feel that guitar playing is not a momentary target but a life long part of you. I think that is the moment when we all came back to guitar. From that moment I think, the only effort we actually make is to improve ourselves, not to become some kind of rock stars. Improving yourself is actually a never-ending story so we all have the whole life in front of us…

   @John: I am very happy to have you here commenting, John! Really! I welcome everybody taking the time to speak his/her mind here.

   You have quite a story there, really! Regarding children coming into the scene, indeed, you are probably right that priorities change. I don’t have children yet but I want to so I guess I will need to give time to this area of my life when time comes.

   But indeed, the dream does not die, but gets buried under tons of life duties. Finding the balance in your life means also that you have managed to clear a part of those duties or at least to make a bit of order among them and when that time comes, the joy of playing the guitar comes back.

   BTW, did you try to teach your girl to play the guitar? I guess this could become a goal in itself!

7. Ovidiu
   June 17th, 2008 at 5:03 pm

   

   @Corey: That’s great! If you play for 2 and a half hours in front of an audience it’s very interesting, I wish you good luck!

   About the guitar being visible all the time, I can tell you only how much you are right! I keep my guitar in the living room on a stand and I see it every minute spent there, so I pick it and play it, which usually drives my wife mad, cause you realize I see the guitar when we clean the house…oh, look, a guitar…let’s play it a bit! NOW?!!!

8. Lee
   July 18th, 2008 at 12:46 pm

   

   Hey guys. Since reading Corey’s article a few weeks ago I really started thinking about why I’m not playing anymore. It’s funny, I was thinking of what Corey wrote as I read this and then found him in the comments.

   Music was everything to me when I was younger. It started going down when I got a night job in my early 20’s. I started playing more acoustic when I was in College because I could do that by myself. I made same drastic strides at that time too (found out I was much better when not drinking).

   For the last 5 years or so I have not played much at all. I felt shame when me sister asked randomly recently “Do you even play guitar anymore…?” I can come up with excuses but they are not very good. If you think about it’s hard to use some excuses. Can’t blame it on the weather, it’s something you can do while “multi-tasking” (watch TV with an acoustic on your lap).

   I blame my son. He grabs at the neck and strings while I play. It’s not his fault though, it would actually make for some good bonding time if I did more of it and he would quit grabbing eventually.

   I have come to the conclusion (again thanks to Corey without him knowing) that I spend too much time on things not related to my old loves and goals. If I spent 1/8 of the time practicing guitar as I do online running (or not accomplishing things running) my website.

   So I dusted off the electric and tuned up the acoustic last week. I’m making a list of songs I want to learn and other goals (I actually made some at the start of the year and never went through with them).

   To both Ovidiu and Corey…keep up what you do because you are making a difference without knowing it to those on the other end of the net!

9. Ovidiu
   July 18th, 2008 at 1:42 pm

   

   Thanks, Lee! Your story is the story of all of us, at one moment we needed to work, make money and had less and less time to play the guitar. For me, electric guitars were everything at one point, then indeed, the same as you did, I started to play more and more the acoustic guitar cause it was easier. Now I am trying to give more time to my guitar playing and to my band and I find more and more fun to play and jam. You should never stop playing, you should give more to yourself, no matter what life brings, we need to give time to our passions since they keep us alive. We are not designed only for work, we should also play…